How Many?

I wonder how many more will I meet and then, there he is!!! Michael hasn't contacted me for two weeks and not responded to my numerous messages. I am so good with it all! I know that God has the right one out there and I do trust Him for him! I will be meeting another fella next Saturday. He is from Burnsville, MN. Hey Jamie, your former neck of the woods!!! He will drive here and then we will spend some time together and then I think he will go back home in the evening. We have been talking a lot on the phone, texting, emailing, and prayers for one another. It is so different than with Michael and the other fellas I have met. I want friendship first and then, see what happens. This is with any person that has expressed an interest in me.

I think Lynda is frustrated with the whole internet thing. I really wish there was a better way to meet people, but I go to a small church and no one there is what I would concider, well, you know!!!

I am taking one day at a time and letting God lead the dance! I know that I am where I am supposed to be for a season. How long of a season, God will show and direct my path! I want His will, not mine. I am corrupt and need Daddy!!!

School is a lot of work, but I am enjoying the homework, working in the campus library, and then home evenings, 6 or 7 and watch some t.v. with Lynda. I am amazed at all the homework for accounting! Wow, a lot of it is not assigned but the instructor said, "I hope and trust you will do the work not assigned." I will work on this as my assigned homework is completed. I have until Tuesday at 8:30 a.m. to complete it.

Blessings and have a blessed Sunday! I am looking forward to sweet fellowship and communion with Father!

What Is God Preparing You and Me For?

Church was awe-inspiring today! I was filled with encouragement and hope during worship and then again at the end of the service! I have been wondering what God is preparing me for? Not just going to school and the normal day to day activities, but really what is God doing in me and for what purpose of His? Then as I was listening to Pastor Clark speak, it was like God yelled in my ear! I jumped and was filled with such peace and contentment! God is in control of my life because I give it to Him. I don't want to be outside of His will the least bit! It was at that moment when Pastor Clark was referring to David and how he must have prayed for his sheep he tended. Think on this: David prayed asking God to protect his sheep from bears, lions, tigers, etc. God didn't always do so. Why not? If God always spared David from fighting such animals, how would David be trained well enough to fight Galiath? Good question!!! Step furter: David was trained to fight Galiath to prepare him for the next step, which was what? Yes, to be a king of a nation! If God hadn't taken David through each process of training and tough love, if you will, how would David have been able to be king if he couldn't fight the giant if he couldn't fight a bear, lion, or wolf or his own fear?

I began to think of the things in my life I find difficult to bear and go through! There are things that have seemed simple to begin with and then as I pressed in and really experienced all the different aspects of things, I see that there are challenges in everything which seemed sweet to begin with! I am so in awe of God and how He puts things together and people together to help each other out and through! I am reminded of the scripture, "He works all things together for good according to His purpose!" I am grateful for this cripture for many reasons!!!

What is God preparing me for? I have a better understanding of some of the things He has called me to do! It is not just living here in a small home with three other bodies and the fourth one comes in on occation (two people and two dogs)! It is not just to go to school to get a better job and pay off debt and make a better income. It is not just, just, just. It is all of the above and much much more! I am excited as I am getting closer to Daddy and Jesus! The Holy Spirit does work through things and convict! I am also reminded of the scripture: "There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!" I am holding this close to my heart tonight! I have felt so condemned and not understood why! Well, it is not Jesus condemning me! I now know that!

Blessing as you search God and find what He is preparing you for!!!

God is Here, Right Here!!!

I am so encouraged at a time when the world is spinning, wondering what is happening to the economy! I know that God is here right in the midst of it! He has a plan for our church. He has a plan for your future. God has a plan for me and all my days are numbered according to His perfect will! Here I am Lord!!!

I think of a blog I recently read talking about dancing! As I read it, I was reminded of my prayer to Jesus as I go through the hard times and easy times. I ask Him to "please lead this dance Jesus! I don't know the steps ore how to dance without your lead!" It is awesome when sisters and brothers in Christ are on the same page. When we have issues that are a like, we can learn from one another and pray with and for one another! I pray for you tonight, as I am going to turn in early, for me ten is early! My prayer is that as you go forward with whatever it is you seek to find and accomplish, that Jesus is in the middle of the planning and not just a mere thought! I pray you ask Him into it and not come along side it!

The night before this semester started, I asked a dear friend to pray with and for me! I was not doing so well that night, but in the midst of the tears and termoil, God showed me that it all is not so bad! School is for learning and getting a career! God is for life! As I think on these two statements, I am in awe of how personal God really is! He knows each hair on my head and your's too! He knows when we will die and go dance with Jesus! He knows how much money we should be allowed to have and not to have! This is for each person, not just a few! God Is A BIG God!!!!

I also wanted to share something that has never happened to me in my life of going to school and college. I made it on the honor role once in high school and once in jr. high. That was all! Yesterday, I received several mailings from my college I am currently attending. In the thinnest envelope contained a letter from the president of the college. I thought cool-I looked at the ending first and not the beginning as I like to know who has sent me mail!!! I was so excited to learn that for the first time in my life, I made the Dean's List!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOWWWHHHHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! I was so excited I called Lynda and she well she was excited, I know she was!!!:):):)

Blessngs as you go forward!

Short and Need You!!!

The past two days I have been down! Today and tonight, I feel like I am in a pit! I am crying out to God, literally! I am not sure why I am so down, but that satan wants me there! I am asking for your prayers for each day this week, please pray for me! I am so desperate for God, so in need of Him and His touch! Blessings!!!

Prayer Request for Michael!

I am asking those that I know who would pray to please pray for Michael. He is in the midst of a decision whether to remain here in the states or go to Holland or London where he has his masters already. He is in need of being open to God leading him and not asking God to join him! I ask you for prayer in this manner and however else you may be lead to pray for him!

We talked for a while today and I am in a place of what God wants is what I want! I desire to hate all He hates and to love all He loves!!! I don't want to be out of His will for anyone or anything! I have a renewed sense of God's love for me! I have struggled with this for many years. I know many people struggle with acceptance and the need to be loved, but not really having the need met! I now know that there is only One who can give this kind of love all the time whenever needed! Jesus Christ is one who will never leave us nor will He foresake us! Thank you Jesus!!! My identity can no longer be in the approval of others nor can I expect people to validate me! This is so hard for me! Where am I going, not sure! Just sharing what God is showing me in His all powerful love!!!!

God bless you and may His face shine upon you as you draw close to Him!!! Blessings!!

School Starts Monday!!!

Haven't talked to Michael in a week. We have texted a couple times and emailed. He is concentrating on college and career! It is good to see this in a man! I have been with too many that I was just dumb!!!!! I keep thinking that singleness is the best way! Then, I really want to be loved by that man that is just for me! Enough on that!

I am feeling the pressures of life and wonder how long things will continue as they are? I start school again on Monday. Working 14 hours and taking 12 credits. I wonder if the excitement will come again as I have always loved learning and looked forward to college! This semester, I just feel like I am going to craiter before I am even stated! Life at home is full of adventure! I feel like I am more of a bother to Jack and Lynda and that no matter what I do, there is always a list that needs done! I feel like I have disappointed them and yet, how can I do anymore than what I am doing? I feel burned out and exhausted! I know Lynda and I both need a lone time and quite time and time with no one around! I gave her a few hours a lone and took Jack with me on New Year's Day before I left to get Michael from the airport! I know it wasn't much, but I did all I could do!

I try so hard to help her and I feel like it is never enough! I know Lynda is running on the strength of Jesus Christ! I know she is worn out and in need of refreshment! I promised myself a week away in December-never happened! It seems like the time Lynda and me are together is based on taking care of Jack and work! I long to take a vacation with Lynda and just let us be ourselves without a care in the world! I am so grateful when I need prayer at night, she is more than willing to come and pray! I have never had that in my life prior to living here! I thank God for Lynda and I thank Lynda for giving of her time late at night when I have a prayer need!!!

I usually don't blog about home life as I am really sensitive about not wanting to say things that may hurt anyone! I usually write down my thoughts, but tonight I decided after reading, I would blog about some of the things on my heart and mind!

I have been three days sorting, packing up, organizing, and reorganizing my things in the closet and living room! Last semester, I had college books on the floor. I don't want to do this anymore as it looks trashy and unthoughtful! I have purchased one bookshelf and will get another to have a place to put my books when I am not using them! I need to keep organized!

I have been on this diet for almost four weeks. I have noticed changes and not liked most of them! I will be joining a club as I am not able to work out at home! It is hard, but when all are in need, we all need to work together to get through it together!

I love Lynda and Jack so much! There are times that my heart aches! Sounds crazy I know! I have a great deal of respect for both of them and don't want to ever hurt them! I know I have and never have intentionally done so! Please forgive me Lynda in letting you down!

Blessings dear readers!

The Man Flew In...--Part II

We had time a lone in the car, which proved to be not such a great way to try to talk. I couldn't hear him and kept saying, "Pardon me" or "Sorry, I can't hear you!!" Finally, we just listened to music and sang our hearts out to the Lord! We went out once to Chinese and that was interesting. Michael talked more to the Chinese workers than he did to me. It was great to see him interact with them as not too many people know the language nor speak fluent Chinese. Michael has been to China and speaks the language very well! I sat there and nodded for most of the time! Very interesting!! Most of the time a lone with Michael was not talking but worshipping the Lord and singing! I really enjoyed him sharing the music he uses in his devotions! I also had a few songs to share with him and we didn't know that the other wanted to share music with each other. I thought that was interesting!

Michael is very goal driven and career minded! He knows what he wants and needs to do to accomplish the goals he has set for himself! He is having some difficulties with the University he is trying to transfer from! I ask that you would please pray for clairity and truth to be shown in this situation. We haven't spoken on the phone since he left. We have emailed and texted everyday, just to check in with each other. It seems weird not talking everyday, but am so busy getting organized for my next semester of college that I don't miss the interaction until I sit down at night and then I pray for Michael a lot!!!

We clicked and know we want to build a friendship/relationship! We both desire to accomplish things in life and have set goals that we want to meet! Neither of us are set on reaching the final goal before a relationship, if that were to happen! We desire God to lead the dance above all! Not to let the flesh rise up and lead, but discipline the flesh and invite Jesus into the center of the friendship/relationship!

Michael has agreed to come back here one or two more times within the next three months before I will make plans to visit him on his turf! I am not able to get away very easily and told him that! I know that time will tell all things!

For the first time, I don't have anxiety that I have to know where he is or be with him all the time! I know that he is in the best hands of all-Daddy's! He is a special young man who is after the will of God! He is active in his church and loves God! It is so apparent when you spend time with him. I was so greatful that we spent a lot of the visit with other people. We could see each other interact with others.

Other than the welcoming meal that was so beautiful, thank you again dear Lynda!!!, the highlight of Michael's visit that we both enjoyed was the time on Friday night of last week. We stayed up with my dad, sister, and her finance playing Attack Uno!!! I could not believe that I won that game!!!!!!!!! I have only won one other game of Attack Uno! I couldn't believe it! Michael never got above negative 20. We play to whomever gets to 500. You can also go out backwards. That's what I usually do!!!

I ask for your prayers for this friendship/relationship! I am so glad for the support system I have in the Name of Jesus Christ!! I truely am blessed! Thank you for reading and praying!! Blessings dear ones!!!

The conclusion of the visit will be in the next blog!

The Man Flew In And Is Back Home!

His name is Michael, born in Guana, and same age as me! Wow!!! I thought for sure when he called and said things weren't good at all that he was not coming January 1. He said he was in an accident at the airport and had to take a later flight. He had to pay an additional fee to change flights due to missing the plane. It was not even his fault, but the man who hit him! I went to Madison to get him to find that the only "posted" flight coming in from Cincinatti was at 9:30 p.m. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KINDING!!!!!!!" is what I said out loud and had quite a few looks! Sorry!!! I had a laugh myself! I tryed finding someone who could tell me that there surely had to be an early fight coming in! The man at the counter said, "Oh mam, please wait as I check it out for you." I am pacing thinking what else? (Don't want to know.) He comes back out and said that there should be one at 5:30, but not sure! I say,"WHAT YOU GOT TO BE KINDING! YOU DON'T KONW!" Sometimes I am so reactive when under pressure!! I had tryed calling and texting Michael and never answered me. Yes, I got worried until they annouced the arrival of flight____ from Cinncinati has arrived. Then the longest wait or so it seemed for him to come down the escalator! Ten minutes late, Michael comes down, waving at me, all smiles!!!

Then we were off to get a home-cooked meal back here at home! I walked in and just about cryed all over again! The table was so beautiful and the house was so warm and peaceful with sax music playing! I couldn't help, but tear up when Lynda greeted us!

It was like the airport never existed!! All cares of the day were gone!! All pain was never felt!! Only love was all I felt when I came home! I thought this woman must have busted butt to get this done in the time I was gone to get Michael!! SHE DID!!!! I love you and thank you so much Lynda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will continue the visit on the next blog! Blessings!