I started internet surfing on a Christian dating site! I keep asking why am I doing this? I desire to be in the will of God so much, my heart aches! I have come across a fella on the site who seems to be sold out 100 percent for Jesus Christ! At the same time, I keep thinking about this other person who I care a great deal about, but it seems that there are so many unfavorables with him! He is desiring growth in the Lord, a wife/mate, and not sure about the rest! He is older than me. I have spent a lot of time with him! I am able to be me and I feel security and a safeness with him! I know that God is bigger than my desires and He will guide me as I seek Him!
I have had a lot of shame and condemnation from my family for so many of the choices that I have made! I know that it is my responsibility to ask Jesus Christ into this! I cannot let what others say and do be a deciding factor for me to become hard-hearted and bitter! I have tended to be a people-pleaser. What about a God-pleaser? That is what it is really about! Am I out to satisfy people or God? I have failed miserably and I know it! I have disappointed my Daddy and savior, and I know it! I have caused sadness to my God! I am here to say that I know that I am a child of the living God, saved by grace, and pressing on towards the goal-Heaven!!
I have taken a proactive approach to my health issue and become serious enough to go through a serious change in my lifestyle and get healthy! I am not eating sweets, sugars, fake sugars, diet or regular pop, fried foods cooked only in coconut or olive oils only, black tea and coffee (no creamers!!!!!!!!!!!)! There is no more grains, anything white except califlower, no popcorn, corn, candy, goodies, ice cream, any dairy is gone, except goats milk! I am loving goat yogurt!! Ummie!! It has maple syrup in it, but, not much! You may ask, what am I eating? Well, mostly raw veggies, raw nuts, raw pumkin seeds, veggie chips, chicken, salad, water, water, water, more water, lemons, gala apples, more water, and Jesus!! I can have meats that are not injected with hormones or antibiotics! Absolutely no pork or seafood. I am taking enzymes, hydrochloric acid, a lot of c, d, iron, strong multi that the body can actually absorb! I have been craving beets! Not sure why! Oh yah, no butter! I have been detoxing the past two days and have a feeling that it is not over! I didn't even go to church this a.m. as I could hardly stand up much less walk! I am so cold and tired! I ache all over! I am looking forward to health and wholeness!! I praise God for a Godly woman whom He has placed in my life that won't let me get away with any cheating, although I get real angry when she says no to ice cream for my late birthday celebration with my girlfriend!!
I finished the semester of college with a 3.65 gpa! That is a record for me! I have never had such good grades!! I was getting two failing grades, from all of my absentees for the semester, the last week of school. I worked extra hard and it paid off!! I was so happy and couldn't understand when I told people why they weren't more like dancing for joy with me than just I am happy for you! Okay, I had expectations that some would dance with me, I admitt! Jesus did!! College starts back up January 12.
Wow, this is long! I am planning on flying, for the first time, to Newark, Delware, in January! I am excited as I had stated, I have never flown before and now at 30, I am seeking new adventures, probably flying alone!! When I watched Autralia, I had the experience that I felt like I was in an airplane! For the first time, I didn't close my eyes or scream at the feeling of falling from the sky! (I hate those dreams!!) I enjoyed the movies so much, I want to watch it over and over!!
I will blog again soon! I am experiencing some family issues this year as the Christmas season is here and I won't be with them! I have to do what I have to do! I ask for prayer for my family and their hard-heartedness and disapproval of me!
Blessings!
Do Over!
4 years ago
3 comments:
Jennilu,
I read your response on HisTouch blog. You know the one where you talked about your biological family. You said that someone from your family said that "blood is thicker than water". Well, what, instantly, jumped out at me was that THAT'S true Jesus' blood is thicker than water. So, your family in HIM (Christ) is a stronger bond because of HIS blood. And, I too have stuggled with guilt, condemnation, and shame until a dear Titus 2 woman said something that I've heard through the years (I'm 35), and JUST SANK IN ON OCT. 2. She told me that when Jesus died for my sin, all of my sin was future tense, so that means he's forgiven all of my past sin, present sin, and future sin. She explained that when I sin, I need to confess, only because it humbles my flesh before God, and my heart is put in it's place! She explained that God is not up in heaven with a big black book waiting for me to mess up, NO, He is up there looking eagerly to see what I am doing RIGHT to see how to reward me, when I go home to live with HIM someday. Man, it's like that information of HIS AMAZING GRACE sunk in for the first time EVER. It made that 18" drop from my head to my heart. I really love your realness in your blog. I am going to start following it. Feel free to check mine out if you'd like. I need to get on there and get a recent entry in there. So much going on here that I keep thinking I need to process it before journaling in my blog. I reckon, I just need to blog every day. : }
Have a most blessed holyday!!!
Love in Him,
Melissa
There is a book called "How to get a date worth keeping" by Dr. Henry Cloud I highly highly recommend you read. It is very practical and shares a good approach for thinking about dating and thinking about meeting new people (men included). You should check it out. You could probably get a copy for a couple bucks off of half.com or amazon.
:) merry christmas!
Merry Christmas.
I am so happy that you are reaching out. I think you should make a list of what kind of man you want and then ask Jesus for him. He will give you your hearts desire. Thanks for alway reading my blog and saying such sweet things on the comment section. Way to go on the grades! You are doing super. Keep your head up high. Merry Christmas Wisoconsin friend. Love, Mary Kay
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